Putting Together Your Own Chuntaro Outfit: The Guanabee How-To Guide
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Mijos, mijas, there's no sexier look in America than the highly-original chuntarito look -- NOTHING! Glee producers know this, Mexican hipsters know this, even old geezer Dr. House knows this. So why aren't you working this marvelous getup yourself? Look, you can go über high end with it if you want, but you don't have to. In case you haven't been paying attention, O.G. chuntaros have been putting together some of the best outfits around while doing nothing at work. What I'm saying is that you have no excuse not to be looking like a chuntaro or a chuntara even as you're reading this. (I'm typing this whole post with the tip of my pointy toe boot so, yeah, get with it.)
First things first: Don't panic! I'm here to help your unfashionable ass be à la mode. If you're a woman, working the chuntara look is easy mostly because you probably already own what you need. Just look at this cunning homegirl:
How did she achieve such awesome chuntiness? By simply pairing her quinceañera dress with a tiara and a 7-Eleven Slurpee. Genius. It makes you want to punch yourself in the face for not thinking about it before her, right? And if her particular look ain't your cup of tea, the panda-chuntara-guidette look is GREAT alternative.
If you're still not convinced, you can also sport the recently-released chuntacon here to the left. Simply glancing at these beautiful pumps will instantly turn all your chuntara friends against you because they'll want to BE you.
But now let's get into the men's look. The most important and key part of the men's outfit is, of course, the signature pointy boots. Again, you can ask a company like Rancho Hipster to make some custom bad-ass boots just for you, or you can make your own out of electric tape or aluminum cans, like these drunkos on the right.
Once you have the boot situation sorted out, putting together the rest of the outfit is a piece of cake. If you wanna follow Chuntron's example, dig up those old xmas lights from your garage, Krazy glue them to your jeans, plug them in to a portable battery pack, and presto. [Disclaimer: If your white neighbors see you doing any of this they'll assume you tried to rape an off-season Christmas tree, but pay 'em no heed. I mean, what do they know about being chunti-fabulous? Nothing! Unless, of course, they're chuntaros too. If the latter happens to be the case, then they'll probably just yell something like "¡a webo, wey!"]
But, wait, is working the Chuntron look too much effort for you? No worries! Just find yourself a silly sombrero, steal a feather from your mother's florero, dig up an old emo tie from under your bed, tape it all together and done -- chunti-chic in 1-2-3! (Seriously; if it worked for the guy on the left, then it can work for you.)
Look, kids, I just came up with these awesome ideas in mere minutes. Now imagine what you, a bored reader that's read this far down my silly post, can achieve. Your final outfit has the potential to be chuntier than the ones of all these cabrones put together.
What do you think?
- LOL
- CHISPAS
- AY DIOS MIO
- QUE CUTE
- NERDO
- NACO
- CURSI
- QUE COOL
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